1,358 Days Without Sex!

Writer Describes Her Epic Streak

 
By Don Ermen, Ottawa Sun

There are dry spells and then there are dry spells. Suzanne Schlosberg went 1,358 days without sex.

When I finished the book Schlosberg wrote on the Streak — The Curse of the Singles Table — I knew I had to talk to her. She fascinates me. I actually have her e-mail address, and home and cellphone numbers. It feels so weird to know so much about the sexual history of Suzanne. (Notice how we're on a first-name basis.)

How the heck could this woman go so long without sex? What the heck was wrong with her? It's been a month since I read the book and there are still times when I say to someone: Hey, you know there's this woman who went 1,358 days without sex? Or I'll be talking to one of the pregnant women on staff (I have three), and I'll think: Why the hell couldn't they have gone 1,358 days without sex?

Every 20 pages I'd turn to the front cover to make sure it was a true story. And then I'd turn to the back cover to look at her photo to see if there was any hint as to why this woman went 1,358 days without sex.

Eventually, Suzanne did have sex and then married the guy. She and I recently hooked up by e-mail. (I was too shy to actually talk to her by phone.) Here's the result:

DE: I keep thinking that I must be missing something that will explain all of this. Like, maybe you were in jail for 500 of those days ...

SS: Yes, many times it felt like incarceration.

DE: So, at the risk of suggesting something's wrong with you, what the hell was wrong with you?

SS: Fair question. Certainly I asked myself that many times. At first, I think, it was just sort of ordinary bad luck. But after a while — as I come to conclude in the book — I think I became sort of protective of the Streak. As much as I hated it and really wanted to have sex, I got to the point where I wasn't going to let just ANY dude break this epic record. He really had to be STREAKBREAKING MATERIAL, by which I mean something special. After all the suspense, it seemed like it would have been a real shame — a real anticlimax, so to speak — if it were just some average Joe. Plus — let me be honest here — I had a book contract to think about. What if I ended up sleeping with some dweeby dentist or something? What kind of ending would that have made? I was holding out for something really good.

DE: You write that when you eventually did have sex, it was like riding a bike? I can't help it. I still have to ask. Was it like riding a bike?

SS: Okay, well, it wasn't actually anything like riding a bike. I was using that cliche about how you never forget how to ride a bike, etc. But in truth — having done a really brutal stage race last weekend — I associate cycling with suffering, and sex with Paul (the husband) was nothing like suffering.

DE: In the book, you say that the longer the Streak continued, the more important it became to end it with someone significant. Does that reinforce the stereotype that women are more interested in romance and stability while men are more interested in sex? I can't help think that a man would not have waited 1,000 days, and if forced to, would have had a lot more trouble dealing with it.

SS: I totally agree with you. No guy is going to go 1,000 days without sex (although A.C. Green, the basketball player, went 14,076 days without sex. He was committed to celibacy 'til marriage. Seriously, I read it on the Internet). I suppose my book reinforces the stereotype, but it's just the truth.

DE: Do you think we'd all be a little better off if everyone had their own Streak? Would it give us more perspective on relationships and sex?

SS: Well, I certainly don't recommend going 1,358 days, like I did. But I will say, I am a lot more appreciative of the opportunity to have sex than I ever was before. Almost every day I tell my husband, "You're such a miracle" (not that we have sex every day, mind you, but at least there's the POSSIBILITY). He doesn't really get it. He's like, "Aren't you going to get over this?" I'm like, "I'll NEVER get over it." I mean, I've known my husband two years, and that's only HALF the length of the Streak. It's just mind-boggling to think about. I have no idea how I survived.

DE: At your wedding, did you have any empathy for the single people at the singles table? Did you do anything special for them?

SS: Ahem, check out my website, suzanneschlosberg.com: I did not HAVE a wedding! We eloped to Lake Louise. I insisted on it. Weddings are miserable events for single people, and I didn't want to put any of my single friends through it (well, that was one of a zillion reasons I insisted on eloping). We did have a party a few months later, but we had no dancing because a) we both hate dancing and suck at it, and b) it's such a bummer for single people. One of my single friends actually thanked me for having no dancing for that very reason.

DE: Any advice for those people who find themselves on a similar Streak?

SS: Yes, BREAK THE STREAK. Unlike A.C. Green, I do not advocate celibacy! It sucks!

(Sat, June 5, 2004)